


Mushrooms

by Measured_Words



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Community: kink_bingo, Gen, Humor, Mushrooms, Pervertibles, Rain, Unnatural Disasters, floods, podcast style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured_Words/pseuds/Measured_Words
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cecil informs his broadcast audience of the fallout after several days of unseasonal and climatically inappropriate rains.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mushrooms

Sometimes the sky is like a beautiful artwork.... Sometimes the sky is like the deranged creation of a depraved madman, testing the sanity of his captive audience.

Welcome.... to Night Vale!

Listeners, I hope everyone has been keeping dry out there in the unseasonal and climatically unlikely downpours our fair town has been experiencing over the past couple of days! Thankfully, it seems that the rains, which may or may not have anything to do with the strange ritual observed by John Peters - you know, the farmer - near the edge of town last Tuesday and conducted by strange hooded figures, have stopped. These were not Night Vale’s more familiar hooded figures such as those we have been cautioned against observing at the dog park, nor the one that lurks under the slide at the Night Vale Elementary School playground, nor the one that occasionally mysteriously steals babies while we also mysteriously completely fail to prevent it. These other, different, hooded figures were observed dancing and shaking rattling sticks and chanting "gifts from the sky gods, gifts from the earth," over and over in an unrelenting monotone for several hours.

The extent of damages to homes and businesses in Old Town Night Vale caused by rain-related flash flooding is still being assessed, though the City Council has rescinded the state of emergency. Mayor Pamela Winchell is still accepting donations of clothing, food, and ritual necessities for families forced to evacuate. The mayor's office reports that donations have been very generous. However, many evacuees who took refuge at the Night Vale Stadium have not been seen or heard from since entering the structure. The city council has issued a statement claiming we should not be concerned about these disappearances or that, at least, the noble sacrifices of these citizens would not be in vain. In more encouraging news, Teddy Williams, owner and operator of the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex, reports that, though all lanes remain closed at the bowling alley, waters rushing into the hole under the pin retrieval area of lane five seems to have completely submerged the miniature city, perhaps putting to final rest any concerns over the war waged by the now-sunken miniature city's miniature citizens against our town. Although pockets of tiny militants may have managed to reach the safety of higher ground, it may be time for us to extend an olive branch and offer assistance to these attackers who have, after all, now lost their home. Perhaps we might help them relocate to a new home somewhere else. Might I suggest.... Desert Bluffs?

In the wake of the receding floodwaters, several Night Vale residents have called the station to report that they have seen strange mushrooms sprouting from the soils around town. Curiously, these fungi all seem to have the exact same rather, err, phallic shape, though they vary more widely in size, shape, and, according to some more, shall we say, adventurous citizens, turgidity.

We contacted Dr. Ethel Biers from the biology department at Night Vale Community College to ask about these curiously anatomic fungi. She claimed that this type of mushroom has not been previously recorded in any textbook or journal that she is familiar with, but that the city's scientific community is committed to thoroughly exploring their properties via in-depth experimentation.

Dr. Biers also noted that she has received several calls from citizens about the mushrooms and whether they might safe for human consumption or, err, other uses. She reports that they seem to have no toxic properties, and to "go on, have a bit of fun, I can't imagine how you could resist, really, I mean - just look at them!"

Well, I must say, Night Vale – I didn't know you had it in you, but apparently.... you do. And now for a word from our sponsor.

**Author's Note:**

> For the pervertibles square on my Kink Bingo square :)
> 
> Thanks to Nary and Malkontent for general beta, and Flamebyrd for Night Vale flavour-checking :)


End file.
